Thursday, March 3, 2011

The whole story on Brandon Davies dismissal from BYU

Scene: Monday evening, February 28th around 8:45 pm in Provo, UT. BYU forward Brandon Davies is walking home from the school library. An unassuming gentleman with a short sleeve white shirt and black tie approaches...

Unassuming gentleman: "Hey, you're Brandon Davies!"
Davies: "Yes."
Unassuming gentleman: "Cool, great win against San Diego State! You guys swept them."
Davies: "Yeah, thanks man."
Unassuming gentleman: "Your rebounds and assists were crucial in that game. You kept the momentum from swinging to those guys."
Davies: "Yeah. We were just working hard against a real good team."
Unassuming gentleman (extending hand to shake): "Indeed! By the way, my name is Marcus. Pleasure to meet you. I'm a big fan of yours."
Davies (reciprocates handshake): "Nice to meet you... Wait, did you say you're a fan of mine?"
Marcus: "Yes!"
Davies: "What about Jimmer?"
Marcus: "Yeah, he is good too. But I am a student of the game and I know that without a great supporting cast he would not be all that. Plus I like the unsung heroes."
Davies: "Wow, thanks a lot. I appreciate that."
Marcus: "No problem. Hey, I have a friend that I would like you to meet."
(A mysterious woman appears from the bushes wearing a long buttoned up brown trench coat. Davies recognizes her immediately.)
Davies: "Uhhhhh, that's my girlfriend. Hey honey, why are you dressed like that?"
Marcus: "Oh, she has a present for you. To celebrate your win."
Davies: "Honey, how do you know this guy?"
Girlfriend: "Brandon baby, this is for you. I think it's time now."
(She unbuttons her coat and exposes herself to the chilly night air)
Davies (jaw drops): "What. The. Fuuuuuu..."
Marcus: "Yes sir."
Davies: "Honey, you know we can't do that. The Code and all."
Marcus: "Aw, come on. She's a Black man's kryptonite! A White girl with a big booty. We call 'em PAWGs around my area. How you resisted for so long amazes me. Just let yourself go, no one is looking."
Davies: "Uhhhhhh....."
Girlfriend: "Take me, take me now Brandon!"
(Davies almost uncontrollably grabs her luscious rear end and starts kissing her. Amazingly, BYU's Athletic Director Tom Holmoe just happens to strolls by)
Holmoe: "What is going on here?! Mr. Davies, you know how seriously we take the Honor Code."
Davies: "But but but..."
Holmoe: "I will need to have a talk with coach Rose about this."

Brandon looks around for help but unable to find any as Marcus and Davies' girlfriend have run off. The only thing that he sees is a crumpled game program on the ground that says "SDSU - BYU, Saturday, February 26th @ Viejas Arena" on it.