Pimping 101

Those Catholic basketball players in San Diego done did some shit that would make Dr. Dre proud. If you didn't hear the news then allow us to lay out what happened in lyrical form...

The sun went down when we hit Old Town
on our way to F Street, with Mary Jane in da back seat
Checkin our rearview, cause broke homies they will do
jack moves, attack fools b-ballers smack fools
Tried to set us up for that Zaga game
Fuck around and we could give up a minus 17 thang
but USD don't represent no losin points
My man Brandon Johnson hit dat three to flush da joint
so on, and so on, our bets let us roll on
We be slangin that weed so we can get our stroll on
Didn't nobody wanna be in da mix; now everybody
be at our games cause they know we got da fuckin fix
Shave dat point? Shave dat point?
That's how we make coin and you know you want to join, fool
But we ain't slippin with da dollas we kickin
While our book keep rakin and Gaslamp hoes keep fakin we'll be
Rollin back up Linda Vista, With everybody sayin

Your Punch-Out game of the night

Seton Hall 90 - Syracuse PNWDED

Ummmm... Can we just start with this first? The Pirates were 8-12 overall and 2-6 in Big East action. Seton Hall had previously lost to Clemson, Arkansas, Dayton and Rutgers (if the Jersey boys sick together). They played this game at Syracuse. At the Carrier Dome. And they go in there and DESTROY the 10th ranked Orange by 22 fucking points!

This was as epic of a collapse as we have seen happen to a team. It was almost like Syracuse was HIGH out there. They really should piss test those guys immediately to see. The folks over at Troy Nunes are having full blown kiniption fits right now (really, wait a few hours before you click on that link). Some of them are actually counting down the days until the FOOTBALL season begins.

Wow. At Syracuse.

The downward spiral continues

College of Charleston 91 - Tennessee 78

Diagram of a basketball team in free fall:

A) Coach is sanctioned for breaking NCAA rules and then lying about it? Check.
B) Team then goes out and loses against inferior schools? Check.
C) Coach explodes during a game, is ejected and team goes on to lose said game? Check.

The Dude would take a look at the Vols and say "Look, nothing is fucked here, man." However...

W-T-F

Pop quiz, hotshots! You're on Jeopardy. You pick famous coaches for $200. Alex Trebek asks you which school did the legendary John Wooden coach at. What do you do? What do you do?

Geeeeeez, Mrs. March To Madness could have gotten that...

(HT: The Dagger)

Picture Pages: North Carolina edition

What the blue hell is going on with North Carolina basketball?

Tar Heels: Best school in the nation

Listen to the man, North Carolina. The pollsters will...



Best line: "Y'all got the Rodney King beat out of you!"

So wear your baby blue paper bags over your heads UNC fans. You've earned it!

Fresh out on bail out of jail Tennessee dreaming

Que pasa?!



Like we promised, we were gonna keep you updated on this...

KNOXVILLE - Four University of Tennessee basketball players remain free on bond today, a day after their arrests on drug and weapons charges when a Knoxville police officer stopped the car they were riding in for speeding on Alcoa Highway near Kingston Pike.

Inside the vehicle, according to DeBusk, officers found a handgun under the driver’s seat, "accessible by either the driver or left rear seat passenger." They also found a handgun, with an altered serial number under the passenger seat, accessible by either the front seat passenger or right rear seat passenger, according to DeBusk. They also found a baggy of marijuana and an open container of alcohol.

All in all it was a total of $7,000 bond. And indefinite suspension. And the possible loss of scholarships. And the possible expulsion from school. And the taint of being criminals. All for pot. And booze.

Good job!

You can't spell thug without the UT

Lesson number one: If you are getting pulled over during a traffic stop, hide the weed!

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — Four Tennessee basketball players, including starting senior forward Tyler Smith, are facing felony gun and misdemeanor drug charges.

Tyler Smith, Cameron Tatum, Brian Williams and Melvin Goins were arrested after a traffic stop around noon on Friday.

According to a police report, officers smelled marijuana coming from the car and found a handgun with an altered serial number, a bag of marijuana and an open container of alcohol. Tatum was driving.

All kinds of fail going on with this shit. We'll keep you posted.

Epic Fail of parenting

This is so off-topic but we HAD to post it.

Chattanooga’s NewsChannel 9 reports that (4 year old) Hayden Wright was found Tuesday at 1:45 a.m. wandering around his Hamilton County neighborhood wearing a girl's dress and sipping a 12-ounce can of beer.

According to the Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report, Hayden rang the doorbell of a house a few doors down from his. He then broke into another house through an unlocked front door and stole five Christmas gifts from under their tree. One of the presents was a brown dress, which the boy was wearing when police found him.

(Mother April) Wright is in the midst of divorcing her husband, who is currently in jail. She suggests he is partially to blame.

"[Hayden] runs away trying to find his father," Wright said. "He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that's where his daddy is."

It's Goundhog Day!

UNC beats Michigan State again, and again, and again.

Damage report at the Worldwide Leader.

And the envelope, please

Mississippi State, the 19th most powerful team in the country gets upended by... Rider??

The Bulldogs never led once in the second half. Once. They were completely blown out. At home.

"People don't understand how good Rider is," MSU Coach Rick Stansbury was quoted as saying earlier today. Yeah, I guess we didn't...

Did we mention this was the night the Bulldogs received their conference championship rings? The overrated S-E-C strikes again!

Sorry...

No Moment of Zen today. We'll get you guys next week. But we do have the sad ballad of West Virginia guard Joe Mazzulla:

Such a promising young star, the world was at his feet.

Little did we know he was a thug who only "looked" clean cut and neat.

Got rowdy at a Pittsburgh Pirates game.

Underage drinking seems to be his thaaaaaang.

Grabbed a girl so hard made her neck snap back.

Still coach Huggins wouldn't give him the ax.

Now he's been arrested again, but out on bail.

Now all we can say about Joe Mazzulla is...

Mountain Worst

It takes ream men to admit when they were wrong. The Mountain West had no business being in the NCAA Tournament. Utah and BYU bounced on their asses in the first round. Evicted from their hotel rooms. Can you believe at one point people were predicting the MWC would have four teams in March Madness? We're glad that didn't happen. Four times the failure. Meanwhile, SDSU seems to be doing fine in the Not Invited Tournament. Maybe that is the talent level we are up to as a conference. We're just saying.

Damn. Didn't even put up a fight.

VCU: The total package of FAIL

Virginia Commonwealth comes oh so close, but yet oh so far. Now begins the long night of packing their bags.

The Rams, out.

Definition of a bloodbath

Ohhh, look at the pretty crimson...

Kansas, LSU, Purdue and Oklahoma were awash in red this morning, drowned in a pool of blood by lesser opponents. We would definitely say that the start of the Madness is officially here.

And as is the way of the universe when something is born, something somewhere else dies. It's the circle of life, man. With that, tomorrow will be our last column for Sports Illustrated for the season. It was fun but somewhat taxing with all the other stuff we had going on. Maybe we'll be back. Who knows?

The Final Four: not sponsored by Pontiac

We guess it is a good thing they will not be using our bailout money for this. When the NCAA first announced the location of the Final Four in Detroit the Big 3 automakers were planning major parties for themselves and their clients. Luxury boxes, champagne, lobster and caviar. Wow, how things have changed.

When the NCAA men's basketball tournament comes to Detroit for the Final Four in early April, don't expect to see General Motors executives, dealers or clients in the suites that they've purchased.

General Motors is in the process of trying to sell the suites, according to Larry Peck, promotions manager for the Buick and Pontiac brands.

Trying to sell them in a down economy? No wonder why these guys are in trouble. Still, a small part of us is smiling.

Sugar come by, and get really high

Michael Mercer was a promising bright young star on Georgia's squad over a year ago, but he got bounced for doing too much pot. He landed at USF and instantly became one of their star players. He just got bounced again for... Guess?

Doing too much pot.

Mike Mercer relocated his life and basketball career to Tampa, but unfortunately problems still followed the former South Gwinnett star.

One of those problems cost Mercer his spot on the South Florida men's basketball team on Monday, when head coach Stan Heath dismissed him from the program. Heath made the tough decision after Mercer was arrested last Friday night on charges of marijuana possession, his second arrest in four months.

Submitted without comment. Because we are sitting here with our collective jaws agape.

Breath me

Wake Forest follows Boston College's lead and beat the Tar Heels. What do you say now about the supposed NCAA Basketball champs?

Are you kidding me?

Harvard dismantles Boston College 82 - 70.

From giant killers to killed in the blink of an eye. The score is misleading as well as the Crimson controlled most of the game with the Eagles looking kinda like how UNC looked three days earlier. The sad thing was BC's coach Skinner was warning and warning about this. His players just didn't give a damn we guess.

Wow.

It's fan-tastic...

Hey everyone, welcome to another edition of Numbskulls Brawlers and Assholes.

Former NBA player and now NBA analyst Charles Barkley was arrested because he was speeding, drunk, on his way to a blowjob!

"I was going to drive around the corner and get [oral sex]," the basketball Hall of Famer told police in Scottsdale, Ariz., a police report said.

He said the woman had performed the sex act for him last week and "it was the best one he had ever had," the report said.

Can we like have the NCAA Clearinghouse either have Barkley speak to incoming basketball freshmen, or maybe have the freshmen write a 20 page essay on how they will not become a typical pro ball thug? Geez Louise.

Our sister-in-law is dating this guy who loves the pros. He tries to tell is how good it is. We try to listen. But stuff like this makes us throw up our hands and turn off the TV after April 9th.