But think about the children

A friend of ours who shall remain nameless (because he has used their services) showed us the newest luxury hotel.

Amenities include -

Five star luxury.

Suites separated into zones to minimize stress and noise including day and night light dimming features.

Complete air changes occur in each zone every four minutes, roughly five times more often than the flow in the average home.

Daily serving of two premium meals and a snack, and daily housekeeping.

Central high-pressure, hydro-cleaning system with added sanitizers in the water.

Grooming and bathing salons.

Reception area with retail boutique.

Sounds nice, right? Somewhere you would like to stay? Well you can't. They will toss you on your arse if you tried to make reservations for yourself and the little woman. Why? Is it only for White people? Only for Jews? Only for well heeled Black people? Nope. It is for animals. That's right, citizens.

Introducing the Tipton Luxury Pet Hotel.

While children starve to death and nearly half our country has little to no health insurance take comfort that your fucking pet will be pampered.


Pets welcomed. Homeless humans? Fuck you.

Happy Friday.

Really?

Here is sneak peak of Phil Steele's preseason top 10 teams in college football courtesy of EDSBS:

1. Florida
2. Ohio State
3. Oklahoma
4. USC
5. Clemson
6. West Virginia
7. Missouri
8. USF
9. Georgia
10. Penn State

USF period? Georgia at #9?! Joe Pa in the top 10?!?! And who the hell is Clemson?!?!11?

Well, if Mr. Steele can do it, so can we. So here is OUR unofficial (official once the blogpoll starts) M2M 2008 preseason college basketball top 10:

1. North Carolina
2. Gonzaga
3. Michigan State
4. Kentucky
5. Arizona
6. UCLA
7. Davidson
8. Oral Roberts
9. Gardner-Webb
10. Indiana

Behold!!! We used the same exacting scientific research and analysis that Mr. Steele uses for his picks.


Tongue-in-cheek to Phil, we know his guesses are a lot more "educated" than ours...

We don't have a blog really...

Between crazy busy work and absolutely NOTHING going on in college hoops land (who gives a fuck about Joakim Noah) we have nothing to say. Just the Moment of Zen auto posts.


Listen to Bjork, she speaks for us

Your Wednesday Moment of Zen

March to Madness presents... They're new!

Technically SFW but not SMART for work

Exodus

Oh the troubles with the University of South Carolina Gamecocks. From sippin' and gripin' high end vodka while packin' to beatdowns on campus these basketball players roll pretty damn hard.

It must have come as quite a relief for coach Darrin Horn to dismiss another player for only repeatedly breaking team rules instead of the usual criminal acts.

COLUMBIA, S.C. -- South Carolina forward Chad Gray was dismissed from the men's basketball team by new coach Darrin Horn on Thursday because of repeated violations of team rules.

Gray, a 6-foot-7, 205-pound sophomore from Kingstree, averaged 2.2 points and 1.4 rebounds in a reserve role. Gray started one of the 19 games he played in last season.


A symbol of mischievous excellence!

Indiana is not spared either. Tom Crean seems to be having groundhog day with this song right now. He had to dismiss ANOTHER player on top of all the player defections he has suffered.


Say it ain't so!!!

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) - Indiana coach Tom Crean dismissed forward Brandon McGee from the team on Thursday, leaving the Hoosiers with only three returning players for next season.

McGee was kicked off the team because of academic and team guideline violations.

Crean's gonna have to resort to military standards for recruiting at this point... Happy Friday and happy Memorial day weekend.

You don't need brains to play in the NBA!

Yes Charles, there are a lot of Black people in SWEDEN!!!!!!

(HT: EDSBS)

Your Wednesday Moment of Zen

March to Madness presents... Taste Test

Only real women mix beer and fruit juice...

M2M: We'll do it LIVE!

More than likely you all have seen (or heard) this little ditty. However we are still laughing about it so here it is. And this fucking thing definitely does not suck.

First up (and admittedly late), Akron guard Rydell Brooks along with a comrade plays the real life version of Grand Theft Auto by fleeing from a van while spraying bullets at cops.

...Rydell Brooks, 20, played basketball for the university and was a former Akron Buchtel High School standout player. He was named a Plain Dealer player of the week. Brooks was arrested about midnight Saturday. police said.

Akron Police Lt. Rick Edwards said police Saturday stopped the two in a van in the 1100 block of Bellows Street for suspicious activity.

As officers approached the van, the suspects fired at officers. The two ran from the van but were arrested near Cole Avenue.

Edwards said police took five guns from the van as well as two ski masks and gloves.


Fear the Kangaroo, muthafuckas!!!

Next, brother of KU guard Rodrick Stewart still apparently upset about O.J. Mayo leaving his school takes his aggression out on hapless fellow student.

Lodrick Schron Stewart, 24, was arrested and charged with battery following an incident early Saturday morning, police said.

Stewart, a former Southern California basketball player, is the twin brother of Kansas University men’s basketball player Rodrick Stewart...

Lodrick Stewart allegedly struck Michael Ricklefs, 23, a Lawrence resident and KU student, in the face after a verbal altercation, Lawrence Police Sgt. Susan Hadl said. Ricklefs fell and hit his head on the concrete.

Some punch...

You can tell it's the off season

In one of the most boring criminal acts out there, Central Michigan University forward Marcus Van was arrested for....

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Huh? Wha... Oh, I must have fallen asleep. Where was I... Oh, this fool got thrown in jail for stealing banking crap.

Marcus Van, 21, a senior from Riverdale, Ill., is scheduled to be arraigned May 27 at 9:30 a.m. by Magistrate Sandra Straus on one count of illegal sale-use of a financial transaction device and one count of conspiracy to commit illegal sale-use of a financial transaction device, according to court records.



Good Lord, this is so pathetically boring and sad we can't even come up with a snarky remark.

Happy Friday and go out and drink a lot tonight. Only 5 more months to go.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Introducing our man-crush... And we are man enough to admit that.

Bold predictions

Barack Obama will win the Democratic nomination for President and has come extremely close to winning the White House now that Senator Edwards has endorsed him.

Fast times at USC

Scene:
Florence, South Carolina

Players:
Former Gamecocks b-ball player Carlos Powell
Current Gamecocks forward and cousin of Mr. Powell, Sam Muldrow

On a balmy Saturday night two men are talking next to a Caprice -


Nice!

Powell: "Yo cuz, I need to head across town but I'm so fucked up right now. (takes swig of high end vodka straight from the bottle) I don't want to drive drunk, can you take me?"
Muldrow: "Ummmm, ok but... I only have my learner's permit."
Powell: "That's ok man, the fuzz won't mind. I got my license. I'll be like your instructor, ok?"
Muldrow: "Ummmm, ok..."
Powell: Cool... Lemme grab my gun, this half full bottle of Grey Goose and some of this chronic and let's ride. Make sure to crank that music up too so all eyes will be on us.

(Powell walks around to the passenger side and notices that the taillights are out. Takes another swig and hops in.)

Powell: "Giddy up!"

According to an incident report, a Florence police officer stopped Muldrow and Powell after hearing loud music coming from their car and noticing the taillights were not illuminated on Powell’s Chevrolet Caprice.

Powell, 24, was arrested around 8 p.m. Saturday and released shortly before noon Sunday, according to the sheriff’s department’s Web site.

Muldrow, 19, who was driving on a beginner’s permit, was issued a warning for the defective taillights.

Next up, not as "glamorous" but just as stupid as a directional Missouri player gets suspended for impersonating a dope man.

Lance Sullivan, a (Northwest Missouri State) Bearcats junior point guard, was arrested on Friday on suspicion of distributing a controlled substance to a minor. The charge is a Class B Felony, which carries a punishment of no less than five years and no more than 15 years in jail.

Eazy-E would not be impressed, kiddo.

Your Wednesday Moment of Zen

March to Madness presents... Hey mom, look at me!

Technically safe for work, but you will definitely get some concerned looks from HR.

How to make a Daiquiri

Dear Lord, please let us never have a bartender like this. You know we love to drink. And this is NOT cool.

Nothing to see here

Naw, we're not gonna comment on the O.J. Mayo mess. We've already said enough throughout the season.

*yawn*

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Moments - #1

(Ed. Note: We will be doing a 10 part series, one a day on the 10 "most embarrassing" moments in college basketball. Now "most embarrassing" is subjective and we will admit it is only what's embarrassing to us. Also the time frame for this is since Dr. Naismith, whippersnappers.)

Moment #1 - Coach Dave Bliss tries to create drugs at Baylor

In what has to be the most chilling moment in college basketball, this sad sordid tale deals with a star player's disappearance and subsequent death and a coach's attempt to cover the whole damn thing up by lying. And this was not just some run of the mill lie, no sir. Bliss created the mother of all lies by saying that Patrick Dennehy was killed because he was dealing drugs.

Excuse me, I think I'm gonna throw up...



Bliss has been banned from coaching until 2015, but to us that will be too fucking soon.

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Moments - #2

(Ed. Note: We will be doing a 10 part series, one a day on the 10 "most embarrassing" moments in college basketball. Now "most embarrassing" is subjective and we will admit it is only what's embarrassing to us. Also the time frame for this is since Dr. Naismith, whippersnappers.)

Moment #2 - Larry Eustachy, party animal



Iowa State coach Eustachy's team just lost to the Missouri Tigers. Angry, saddened and despondent Eustachy needed an escape from that bitter defeat. Enter Missouri player Josh Kroenke who thought that what Eustachy needed was to be amongst good people having a good time. Coach Eustachy accepted and wholesome fun was had by all.

Stop. Reality check time.

A 47 year old head coach of a major basketball program left his players after they lost to go drink and party with a bunch of 18 to 21 year olds from the opposing school.

Did we mention he was married at the time too? Oh yes, citizen. So now throw in your wife's embarrassment on top of the school's and kids you represent. Smooth.

Say anything for page views

I don't understand it. Seriously, why are these black athletes unable to stay out of trouble.

So goes the first sentence in this article written by Mr. Jeffrey Klein for the Bleacher Report. He then goes on to say...

Yup, these people can't just play their sport, they have to get in trouble with the law, beating people up with guns, using drugs, and whatnot. These athletes deserve to be punish and all deserve to be banned from the league. These athletes bring it upon themselves and create this issue where it is not going to stop and black athletes are going to continue getting arrested and in trouble with the league.

They are just that stupid, and they continue to bring it on themselves.

Now, we agree that if an athlete breaks the law, he should be punished. No argument there, Mr. Klein.

But what we have a problem with is your use of "these people" and "these black athletes".

The best part is that Mr. Klein wraps up his little missive with this...

And don't call me racist either, I'll be voting for Obama in the election, and I have black friends...

Are you voting for Obama out of guilt for how you feel about Blacks? Now there is a Black man I can relate to, I'm not racist!

Here is our point. We could go on and on about how white athlete after white athlete after white athlete after white athlete after white athlete after white athlete are nothing but thugs who break the law too.

But we won't. We're above that tit-for-tat nonsense. But maybe Mr. Klein might want to rethink his ill-informed argument.

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Moments - #3

(Ed. Note: We will be doing a 10 part series, one a day on the 10 "most embarrassing" moments in college basketball. Now "most embarrassing" is subjective and we will admit it is only what's embarrassing to us. Also the time frame for this is since Dr. Naismith, whippersnappers.)

Moment #3 - John Chaney to John Calipari: "I'm gonna kill you!"



The scene - In 1994 UMass beat Temple 56-55 and UMass coach John Calipari was in the middle of his after game press conference. Temple coach John Chaney breaks into the conference and proceeds to tell Calipari to shut up, that the next time he sees him he will kick his ass, that he will tell his kid to knock his fucking kid in the mouth, and finally that he will kill him. At one point the players had to hold back the coaches (now that's a switch). I guess restraint took a holiday that day.

At least there's that...

San Diego State's APR in Men's Basketball: 929

The lowest score a school can have before penalties: 925

4 points... I'll take it!



UPDATE: I would use the Lord's name in vain if I wasn't Catholic. San Diego State's shameful 100 student drug bust now mocked on The M Zone.

Grrrrrr..... I can't even look at my diploma right now.

3 for the road...

First up, West Virginia's Bob Huggins has clause in his contract stating that he can be fired for being drunk. Especially driving drunk.

A West Virginia spokesman said that is a standard clause in employment contracts.

Yeah... Because we all know Huggins would never do something as crazy as driving while intoxicated.


Oh no, not at all officer.

Next up, South Carolina guard Devan Downey works out during the off-season by punching students in the face.

Downey, 20, was charged with hitting another student on April 25 shortly before noon, according to the warrant that was signed by the student, Curtis D. Lowery II.

The arrest stemmed from an incident last week between Downey and another student he knew, school spokesman Russ McKinney said.

Police were called to the scene, but neither Downey nor the other student wanted to press charges, McKinney said, and there was no incident report written up.

Wait, you don't understand. Coach said I need to work on my hand-eye coordination. Stand still...



Finally, we got some FnDC (fighting in da club)! Binghamton University forward Miladin Kovacevic got his stupid self thrown in jail for opening a can of whoop ass on some poor bar patron.

A Binghamton University sophomore was arrested Sunday and charged with second-degree assault, a felony, after police said he repeatedly kicked someone in the head early Sunday morning in a downtown bar.

Miladin "Minja" Kovacevic, 20, was accused of causing serious head injuries to an unidentified person inside the Rathskeller night club on 92 State Street in Binghamton. The bar was open during the incident and police said there were witnesses.

I imagine serious head injuries can be done by a 6 foot 9, 260 pound Serbian. I wonder did the guy make fun of his name. Minja... Sounds like a female version of ninja.

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Moments - #4

(Ed. Note: We will be doing a 10 part series, one a day on the 10 "most embarrassing" moments in college basketball. Now "most embarrassing" is subjective and we will admit it is only what's embarrassing to us. Also the time frame for this is since Dr. Naismith, whippersnappers.)

Moment #4 - You can't say that on television! Boeheim "defends" McNamara



We can understand Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim being upset at the media's criticism of his star guard Gerry McNamara. Heck, we can even understand Boeheim letting the press have it for their "overrated" comments about McNamara. But what we can't understand was the profanity laced tirade he unleashed on national television.

And the look on his assistant coach's face during this was priceless. Way to go, coach...

Your Wednesday Moment of Zen

March to Madness presents... The United Colors of Benetton

Technically safe for work but not smart for work

Holy crap...

Our alma mater is involved in the drug wars now?!

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Authorities have arrested nearly 100 people and seized guns and drugs in a sting operation at San Diego State University in California, the Drug Enforcement Administration said Tuesday.

Among those arrested were 75 students, some of them working toward criminal justice or homeland security degrees. One criminal justice major was charged with possession of guns and cocaine, authorities said.

One student sent a mass text message offering a "sale" on cocaine, the DEA said in a news release.

Campus police and the DEA began their undercover operation after the death of a student from an overdose in May 2007, the news release said. A second overdose death occurred as recently as February at a fraternity house.

O-M-F-G... When we went there the only thing making the rounds was cheap pot and Natural Light. I guess they have grown up. *stunned*

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Moments - #5

(Ed. Note: We will be doing a 10 part series, one a day on the 10 "most embarrassing" moments in college basketball. Now "most embarrassing" is subjective and we will admit it is only what's embarrassing to us. Also the time frame for this is since Dr. Naismith, whippersnappers.)

Moment #5 - UNLV and the "Fixer" circa 1991

First, lets give a brief bio of Richard Perry:

Perry earned the nickname "The Fixer" by rigging the outcomes of sporting events in order to win bets. In 1974, Perry was convicted of federal charges related to fixing harness races at the Roosevelt and Yonkers racetracks in New York. He was sentenced to prison and paid a fine. Perry pleaded guilty in 1984 to conspiring to commit sports bribery in the Boston College point-shaving scandal. Perry was sentenced to a year in prison.

Not someone you would want to hang out with. Especially if you are a college basketball program in Las Vegas already under probation from the NCAA.



Let me introduce UNLV players Moses Scurry, Anderson Hunt and David Butler. The "Fixer" is that pale guy.

Perry nearly "fixed" UNLV out of existence with this stunt. However it would be Coach Jerry Tarkanian who would ultimately kill the Runnin' Rebels.

I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me...

Tennessee's Duke Crews is gone. The reason? Drugs.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- Tennessee sophomore forward Duke Crews and sophomore guard Ramar Smith are being dismissed from the team.

A source close to the Vols' program told ESPN.com's Chris Low that multiple failed drug tests led to the pair's dismissal.

"They did a lot of positive things in two years, but we have very, very high expectations for student-athletes on and off the court," Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl said before the team's end-of-season banquet, which was not attended by the two players.

But wait, Mr. Crews says hogwash...

"Coach (Bruce) Pearl and I agreed that I should transfer," said Crews, a former Bethel High star. "All of the negative stuff that I've been reading is really old. There wasn't anything current that would've been a reason for a dismissal. It was just a lot of little things from the past that piled up."

Crews said that ESPN.com's report on May 2, which stated that multiple failed drug tests led to he and teammate Ramar Smith's dismissal from the team, was inaccurate.

Well let's go with what we know. We know that The Duke-ster has been busted for drugs on multiple occasions. We know that Coach Pearl publicly said he will give Crews one more chance. And now he is gone and we are suppose to believe that he just wanted to transfer.

Yeah...

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Moments - #6

(Ed. Note: We will be doing a 10 part series, one a day on the 10 "most embarrassing" moments in college basketball. Now "most embarrassing" is subjective and we will admit it is only what's embarrassing to us. Also the time frame for this is since Dr. Naismith, whippersnappers.)

Moment #6 - Chair, meet Bob Knight



A classic, this moment will live in infamy forever. When Bob Knight finally meets his maker, St. Peter will see him at the pearly gates and say "Hey, weren't you the one who threw that chair on the court like some immature rube?"

R.I.P - Arizona State Cheerleading Squad

ASU cuts cheerleaders after "racy" photos come out.



(HT: NCAA FanHouse, of course)

Ritalin is easy, ritalin is good...

Indiana's Crean evokes temper tantrum in player, has to call police and the AD to calm him down.

Freshman center Eli Holman... (told) coaches he intended to transfer before apparently throwing a tantrum in their office that required a call to the campus police.

"His behavior took me, along with the other people in the office, by surprise," Crean said in a statement released by the university. "We saw him as a danger to himself and wanted to take precautionary measures to help him. We felt bad for Eli and, hopefully, were able to help him."

Athletic director Rick Greenspan took Holman into his office for about an hour as officers waited outside, and Holman left calmly without speaking to police, Minger said.

Our inside sources got the "official" dirt on what went down -

(knock at Coach Crean's office door)
Crean: Come in.
Holman: Hi coach, can I talk to you for a sec?
Cream: Sure thing. Would you like a pepper mint?
Holman: No thank you coach. So I was thinking of...
Crean: How about some chewing gum?
Holman: No thanks, coach. Look, I feel I need to take a...
Crean: Some water then?
Holman: No.
Crean: Soda?
Holman: No coach! Thanks. I want to transfer...
Crean: Blow?
Holman: WHAT?!
Crean: Blow pop? They are quite tasty.
Holman: No! I want to transfer! I want to get out of here! I feel like I'm on a sinking ship!!!
(silence)
Crean: Ok. Happy trails.
Holman: You're not mad?
Crean: Nope.
Holman: Why not?
Crean: Frankly? You suck.
(silence)



*tantrum ensues*

Happy Friday.

UPDATE: Holman to Crean: "I'm sorry..."

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Moments - #7

(Ed. Note: We will be doing a 10 part series, one a day on the 10 "most embarrassing" moments in college basketball. Now "most embarrassing" is subjective and we will admit it is only what's embarrassing to us. Also the time frame for this is since Dr. Naismith, whippersnappers.)

Moment #7 - What the hell happened? Louisville vs. South Carolina



This scuffle from 1988 was so epic and complex in it's scope that there are three more parts to it. This is what we know: 1) The announcers to this day still don't know what went wrong, 2) A Louisville player mysteriously ends up in the stands, 3) Those Gamecocks know how to punch, and 4) Fans like to fight too...

*shakes head*

Top 10 Most Embarrassing Moments - #8

(Ed. Note: We will be doing a 10 part series, one a day on the 10 "most embarrassing" moments in college basketball. Now "most embarrassing" is subjective and we will admit it is only what's embarrassing to us. Also the time frame for this is since Dr. Naismith, whippersnappers.)

Moment #8 - Down goes the ref! Wyoming vs. New Mexico



This is the Mountain West, stuff like this doesn't happen. Well, apparently it does... What started as a silly brawl quickly turns into an ugly pile on with the referee on the bottom getting kicked and punched as he tries to protect a New Mexico player from the Wyoming barbarians. No good deed goes unpunished. But New Mexico clearly shows they don't put up with that shit as Jamal Smith goes nuclear and nearly gets decked by his own coach.